Land Without Love

Afghan conversation.32: The Taliban ban friendship

[NOTE: This is the latest in a series of conversations I have been having with a young Afghan friend about how life there has changed on a deeply personal level since the Taliban took over his country last August. I am keeping his identity secret in order to protect his safety.]

Dear David:

When I went to college in Kabul, a few years before the Taliban takeover, I had a group of close friends, including some girls. On holidays, we would go out together to restaurants, parks, and the hills around Kabul. We freely strolled, joked, and giggled in the streets and alleys and no one monitored what we did. 

During that time I also had a girlfriend. Our favorite pastime was walking. Whenever we could, we walked for two or three hours on the streets, and went to our favorite coffee shop to have meals. We were never bothered by anybody. 

Sometimes I kissed her in public. Before the Taliban, friendship and relationships like ours were ordinary things. But that was then. 

Now, the freedom to even walk in public with a girlfriend is only a remote fantasy.

Two months ago, for example, I went to Kabul. One day I visited a restaurant that I sometimes went to when I was in college. The restaurants in Kabul have “public” and “family” sections. Only men can eat in the public section. Any group that includes a woman or girls is restricted to the family section. 

So during my recent visit, my female friend and I sat in the family section. It was almost empty, there was just one other couple sitting there. In the same restaurant as recently as two years ago, more than 50 people would have been there. 

I could see fear in my friend's eyes while we were eating. A local journal called Etilaat-e-Roz reported a week ago that the Taliban is now routinely going to every coffee shop and arresting girls and boys who have an “illegal” relationship. My friend was afraid that the Taliban would come and demand to know about our relationship, and then arrest us because we are friends, not relatives.

This is what life has become for us under the Taliban -– living in constant fear of discovery. We are not allowed to have lovers or even friends of the opposite sex.

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